Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
