He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
