I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
