At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize