On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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