Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
