Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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