I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
