do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
