You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize