i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
