your parents love me but you hate me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
