and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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