he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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