the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
