Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
