I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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