she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
