just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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