If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
