Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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