Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
