it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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