Four minutes until I can fart!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
