It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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