she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
