I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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