Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize