My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
