So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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