Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
