I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
