what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
