JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
