Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
