Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
