i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just pynch a tree in the face
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize