I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
