so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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