I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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