so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
