At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
