we're blogging at a bar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
