he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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