please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
