At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
