I need help removing her.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
40s are totally the cure
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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