Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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