Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
