When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When did angry sex become our thing?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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