I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize