holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
