The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
