I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
