Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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