Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
