so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have feelings that need drinking.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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