I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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