omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
