The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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