you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
