I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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