Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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