There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
