Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your penis caused this!
Randomize