is your mom at the bar?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
