Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
