What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
