There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
