I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
