They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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