He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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