Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
