Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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